1. |
petrichor
04:58
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never stepped outside my house
to find it raining so hard
i guess plans change
the first of the year it came and went
my resolutions were never more different
coffee cups on my window sill
filling rooms of the house
i guess i'm materialistic
i could never get away from you
one thing remains the same
and that is our last names
can't regret this
i don't get this
it doesn't make much sense to me
could've, would've, should've
not come here tonight
i guess it doesn't hurt to come second best
and i guess, i'll fall in line just like the rest
i'm a closed case
and open casket man
i can't guarantee a nice time
but i can help you if i can
and i saw everything that night
and you saw everything just right
can i hide myself?
can i hide my fears?
like a game of hide and seek
but no one's won
sans my anxiety
i'm holding back tears
i haven't cried in years
am i macho now?
i never stopped outside my house
to find it snowing so hard
i guess opinions they shift
the last of the year it came and went
my intents were never malevolent
beer cans litter the porch
filling me with remorse
i guess i'm materialistic
why can't you leave me be?
i can't think effectively in the moment
i'm objectively foreign
//
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2. |
pokemon go and chill
00:20
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3. |
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the flavor of the week
is my own stomach acid
and promises i've tried to keep
regurgitating out of my mouth
there's nothing wrong with me
that's just how i choose and chose to be
never again
will i apologize
for something, someone
hasn't even begun to realize
the appalachians they call to me
natural therapy
one week for every month
one day for every breath
and you
you know the rest
it was your damn idea in the first place
i feel empty and inadequate
but i never really gave a shit
i feel hollow and misused
without even developing a bruise
x2
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4. |
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i remember
down the street from where i lived
you were growing out your hair
on the roots
on the rocks
bury me in your backyard
in the soil
in my soul
it's quite efficacious
we're all trying to fit shit in that never quite fit
oh, take me down a notch
those words you say
bit by bit
everyday
rinse, repeat and spit
the bottle hits you
and you hit back
medication as a form of meditation
i sit idly by
as you tear this family apart
i can't stop myself from bottling up everything
prescription bottles
you're not asleep
just pretending
well yeah
and i don't care about anything at all
just myself
am i selfish?
am i selfless?
for identifying stagnation
i'm so frustrated
oh yeah, it's what i do
i've been like this
held up, against my will
i wait quitely
oh yeah
i don't care anymore
as soon as you walk out that door
//
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5. |
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6. |
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i've got more time to spend on my own
this hole in the ground is where i call my home
my soul right now is less than whole
those cuts on your wrist are sure to grow
but i don't ever want to see you go
my first semester
i was mildly sequestered
and the thought of it made me sick
hell bent for affection and all together affliction
i never found out what made you tick
remember that time you called me a prick
your name never did quite stick
and i don't know if i can ever go back home
all those nights i spent holding back feelings that came and went
hold my tongue and i can't even see straight
the fog in your eyes has lifted and i can enter again
the heat of your body and shape of your smile
comforts me until the end
the hole in your chest is where i call my home
and i don't think i've ever felt this totally fucking alone
i'd kill myself for you, again and again, i'd do it again
once your lover can never be your friend
and i'll see it through straight to the bitter end
straight to the bitter end
//
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7. |
soapbox
00:39
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when i was seventeen
i penned the words
"i hope to wake up one day and feel perfect.
please. i would love that forever"
my worries then seem detached and distant
because what then ate away at my three year younger self
just doesn't quite do it for me now
worrying about school and grade and my then-poor health
feels silly, almost immature, but i digress
the world is a scary place
and i'm going to die whether embrace that fact
or live my life in a shell
what truly matters is the people
i opt to spend my time with
while i'm on this for-now green Earth
there's no real reason why i'm here
or why you're here or why any of us are
face facts and cherish the time of your limited existence
the only person you can rely on is
yourself
//
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8. |
the little things
04:03
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take me away
i've had quite enough for today
the backseat of your car
and the small of your back
won't you take it back x3
i hide my lies in a paper sack
wohs and ohs
yeah it's getting dark outside
does that scare you?
are you the real you?
feeling brand new
fresh out of my packaging
how much more can i fit in here?
through all these years
i upgraded myself to a new interaction
fading myself in and out
hold me down and lock it down
feeling my feet on this wet ground
take me away
i've had quite enough for today
the backseat of your car
and the small of your back
won't you take it back x3
i hide my lies in a paper sack
//
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9. |
suh dude?
00:28
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10. |
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walkin outside labyrinthian over
cracks along under the trees
i know this town grounded in a compass
cardinal landing in the dogwood
i keep goin over it over & over
my steps iterate my shame
how come every outcome's such a comedown
lately afternoon with the shades drawn down
i kept sayin i just wanted to see you
sayin what's wrong with that?
needle shakin outlines in a compass
every outcome's such a comedown
i knew it when i saw it
so i did just what i wanted
so i go through with this
i knew happiness when i saw it
i saw your boyfriend at the port authority
that's a sort of fucked up place
well so i averted my stride on a quick one
he's coming back from goin over your place, huh
i feel like we could forget about it
i feel like i could mellow out
i don't feel undone in a big way
there's nothing really bad to be upset about, well
just when i thought i was getting better i
woke up on the ground
an appointment or a disappointment
any outcome's such a comedown
as if i needed a reminder
that i do only what i wanna
so i go through with this
walkin out in the nighttime springtime
needling my way home
i saw leah on the bus a few months ago
i saw some old friends at her funeral
my steps keep splitting my grief through these
solipsistic moods
i should call my parents when i think of them
i should tell my friends when i love them
maybe i should've got out a bit more
when you guys where still in town
but i got too caught up in my own shit
that's how every outcome's such a comedown
i knew it when i saw it
o, i did just what i wanted
so i go through with this
i knew happiness when i saw it
& i saw it
//
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The Tallest Tree Raleigh, North Carolina
dank memes can't melt these steel beams
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